Common Ground
September 4, 2026
My days abroad in Singapore have been both rewarding and demanding. Challenging while being forgiving, something foreign I am still adjusting to. I am met with an onslaught of new faces and personalities, both Singaporean and international, some from drastically different lives that I am unbeknownst to. A new land, a new environment, new payment systems, new language(s), food, and everything needed to make me uncomfortably grow. One thing that has gotten me through this so far is realizing the need for common ground.
Whenever interacting with others, it is always interesting to learn about their experiences and how they differ from us. But I have always noticed that we are able to find some stronger connection once finding a common ground. This could be through food, language, experience, hobby, or an NBA team (Go Lakers). It seems to unlock a better tie, connecting us together while challenging our perception of self. I have found this exact predicament, to be the most rewarding experiences I have undergone this trip thus far. Without these connections, I often found it difficult to connect with others, even if their other culture may be extremely interesting or different. While this sounds like a “DUH” moment, perhaps we forget it in the midst of trying to explain ourselves when meeting others.
Breaking bread and splitting pints has always been the easiest time to develop these understandings. It challenges you to re think your understanding of self. Who you really are when you introduce yourself. What should you say? How do you want to be perceived. Maybe the math nerd is leading me to believe that through the endless interactions you do go through, people are able to gain an aggregate understanding of you, resulting in the most clear picture as the law of large numbers takes over and your persona and self are distributed amongst people. Yet, each person, as a data point, has a different experience with you. Ranging from good to bad. In an optimal world, we are able to able to be an efficient storyteller and personality, demonstrating our aggregate selves to others and thinning the tails, centering our data and creating a smaller interval of error. But fuck the math.
I’ve noticed that these experiences definitely translate into other aspects of life as well, and even negotiations between states and parties. Perhaps it is the thing that we all seem to forget. I can continue to go on and on about warfare and political tensions, but in a simple sense, it all boils down to two parties failing to meet at common ground for their respective objectives. That is an essay for another day.
I think this time I have been forced to re-evaluate or re-assess my understanding of self. At times I have failed to stay true to who I am, and I pay the price. I question, if I have at all, changed. Can I change? Are we stuck in a mold we keep returning to? I am a believer in change. I think that we all have the chance to, but that does not promise, any change. Perhaps I am too slow with my change to instill any confidence in development for others. Maybe it is my toxic personality that demands productivity and efficiency in every corner of my life that naturally limits change. Perhaps it is also this exact change that could lead to an overextended change, breaking the needle. Then again, I have to ask what am I relatively changed from? Yesterday, last week, last month, a year ago? This is a double edged sword I walk along, trying to carefully not fall fully onto any either side. Perhaps I already have, and I am yet to notice. How do you notice?
Perhaps I have already become the very person I despised, lacking humanity and too ignorant to realize the scale of my detriment. But then again, we suffer more in our mind than we do in reality. Maybe to realize this change, it would be already too late to reverse it. You cannot rebuild a bridge you set on fire, and you cannot swim up from the rock you tied yourself to. But these are the challenges in life we choose to burden ourselves with, as there is no reward without a risk.
Just as though I have grown to get a better understanding of self, I too have gotten a better understanding of others too. Perhaps a similar thinking is going on in other’s minds, and we find more common ground. Maybe it is really just as simple as sharing a meal, buying a drink, and talking late into the night. I’ve grown to learn that time and attention has become the greatest resource that one can give you, and should not be taken for granted. Especially in a time where social media has taken multiple hours of our lives everyday, the currency and value of time has only gone up. Try to cherish it. It is a lesson I have had to learn multiple times, and will likely continue to learn and relearn. There have been multiple times I am disappointed in myself, and I likely will continue to be. My personality remains toxic enough to only focus on growth, and perhaps I may forget some other aspects along the way… to my detriment, not positive. I’m sorry. It is partially why I chose to start this website, looking to cherish and reflect more into the present and past, instead of continuing to run ahead.
With such, I hope that one day I can really understand the Tyler Zhang that sits in the present. Perhaps we think too far ahead to remember what we are in the present. Our future isn’t our present, and our present isn’t our past. Maybe it is time to act like it instead of living on borrowed time. I know I have certainly been working on a future not yet promised, and taking for granted what is in front of me.
